dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
