dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
