Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
