i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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