When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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