Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize