know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
