i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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