He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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