marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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