i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
