i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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