I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
