bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
