I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
