Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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