how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
