Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
