What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
