So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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