Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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