Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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