the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
