in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
