in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
