Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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