i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
