so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
