I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
