The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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