and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
