I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
