Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
