So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
