Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
