i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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