call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Shame is for Republicans.
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