i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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