Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this is an emotional support booty call
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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