Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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