So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
