Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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