my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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