You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
