question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
