why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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