I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
