I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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