Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
