**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
