3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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