you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
