Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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