If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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