I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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