once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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