my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
