he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
