I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
