call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
