Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
