My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
