Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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