Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
