She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
