you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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