you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
