Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
