It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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