just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
