I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
