swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bit a glass in half.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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