he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
