Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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