i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's always time for handjobs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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