Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
